A Process to Make Your Resolutions Real

Photo by Tim Mossholder on Unsplash

It’s that time of year again — time to set resolutions, new year goals, or another way of entering into the new year to be better.

New year, new you.

But, resolutions don’t work. Right? I mean, how many times do we come up with new year resolutions just to find them slip away within the first handful of months? Then, by mid-year, most resolutions for people have drifted away.

Well, realistically, the problem is not with the resolutions, it’s with the process of setting and executing them. Resolutions are just goals with a different name — we are resolute in doing something — that’s a goal if I ever heard one.

And, this is where the challenge arises. It’s a problem with goal setting. If you want to reach your resolutions then you have to assess your goal-setting process.

Defining your goal setting process

Defining your goal setting process is something that can be easily missed. Many people set goals without creating systems that can help guide the process. Without creating a system to guide the process then it becomes easy for things to ‘go off the rails’ so to speak.

A goal-setting process should include some form of these elements:

• End — what goal do you seek to achieve?
• Working backward — define the steps between where you are and where you want to be
• Means — the process — what actions need to be taken to reach your goal
• Create a system — turn your ‘end’ and ‘means’ into a repeatable process that moves you from where you are to where you want to be — this should also include purpose, boundaries, environment

(What is your purpose in desiring this change? What boundaries {limitations and triggers} need to be set to help facilitate the process of change? How can you organize your environment to improve the likelihood of maintaining change over time?)

• Execute — once you have your system in place then it’s time to take action

At the end of the day, goals are meant to fulfill some sort of need that we have. Uncovering those needs can be helpful for your goal-setting process. What needs are being fulfilled through the process of setting and working towards your goals?

Dealing with a dysfunctional goal setting process

In terms of creating goals that serve to fulfill our needs, just as there are functional and dysfunctional ways of getting our needs met, there are functional and dysfunctional methods for setting and achieving goals.

This is a point that is not frequently discussed enough when covering goal-setting processes. Too often, goal setting is seen as a pillar to success and we just need to do what it takes to reach our goals. This is a HUGE set up for failure.

We can actually see dysfunctional goal-setting processes in much of what has been coined ‘hustle culture’ or even in big businesses that set goals that serve to undermine, and burn out, the people that drive results.

If your well-being is being sacrificed to reach your goals then you have to consider that the process is not sustainable. This is huge and largely not discussed enough in conversations about goal setting (in my humble opinion).

To create change and reach goals, the process must be sustainable. If it’s not, then the process will eventually fall apart. It’s just a matter of time until it does and you’re racing against the clock.

When discussing getting our needs met, there are adaptive and maladaptive ways of going about getting our needs met and working to achieve our goals.

Adaptive — functional coping — actions are an end in themselves

Maladaptive — dysfunctional coping — our actions are a means to an end

Circling back to creating a ‘means’ and an ‘end’ for goal setting, the means should be an end in itself. Meaning, the action itself should be rewarding and fulfilling. This doesn’t mean it should be easy or effortless, just that our actions in themselves should build us up, not break us down.

Ideally, through our goal setting, we want to reach a specific end in mind but the method for reaching that end should, also, be an end in itself. We are then able to reach our goals because the process brings us incrementally closer each time we act.

The appropriate action, done enough times, will inevitably lead us to our desired destination. Our resolution, or goal, then becomes part of a natural progression of doing the right things in the right way.

An example

Consider the act of working out. If your goal is to lose 50lbs and increase your fitness levels, working out will directly improve your well-being. It may not be easy but there’s a reward in following through with the action itself. When repeated over time it will move you in the direction of achieving the goal you set for yourself.

A dysfunctional way of approaching the goal of losing weight and improving fitness levels would be to set unrealistic goals that end up creating stress and negative self-talk. Imagine the scenario of someone that sets a goal of working out regularly to lose 50lbs in 1 month.

This individual may decide to start working out several hours a day after going from not working out regularly which means sustaining this new behavior will be unlikely. This is exactly how to take a process that can build us up and turn it into something that breaks us down and impedes our ability to engage in the process.

There’s a possibility of someone being able to do this and get the weight off rapidly. In all likelihood, though, this practice is unlikely to be sustained over the long term which will lead to reverting to old habits and patterns and further self-criticism.

Maybe they can get the weight off but are unable to sustain the practice over time and it eventually comes back. Or, maybe they are unable to even reach their goal because too strenuous of a goal was set. Either way, it’s a setup for failure.

You can actually think of workout systems that have shown up over the years only to disappear sometime later. P90x is one that comes to mind. I had a friend, once upon a time, that was excited about this system. He started with it but was unable to sustain it over time and, as a result, he was unable to reach his fitness goals because the system was too demanding and he was not able to create a functional and sustainable workout routine.

If your goal-setting process is not sustainable over the duration then the likelihood of reaching your goals will significantly diminish.

Check-in with yourself regularly

Just because we have a goal and a process in mind does not necessarily put all the pieces together. If we create a process to bring about a change in our lives but don’t ever evaluate the efficacy of that process then we can be setting ourselves up for failure.

Maintaining the process can be easier with a system to check and adjust our progress which would look something like this:

• Check-in — set time aside to evaluate your process and progress regularly — what’s working, what’s not working, how do you feel while engaged in the process?
• Adjust — make adjustments to better facilitate your process — based on what’s working and what’s not working, what things can better refine your process of action? What needs to be cut, what needs to be added, what needs to be changed?
• Repeat — once adjustments are made, we get back to doing the thing

Having a process to check and adjust our work is possibly just as important as setting the goal. Without a process to evaluate the success of our actions then we can end up spending a lot of time and energy doing things that don’t actually move us closer to our goal which will just lead to burnout or feeling demoralized.

Make sure to set aside time regularly to review your process. Find a schedule that works best for you — check-in daily, weekly, monthly — whatever it is that best suits your needs and can create accountability.

Putting it all together:

1. Define your ‘end’ in mind — set your destination
2. Work backward — determine the steps that will move you from where you are to where you want to be
3. Means — define the process that will help you overcome the steps in between where you are and your goal
4. Set boundaries — know your limitations and triggers to prevent falling out of your new routine
5. Execute — do the thing, engage in the process, take action
6. Check-in — review your progress regularly
7. Adjust — make necessary adjustments to calibrate the process
8. Repeat — do the thing with adjustments made and keep going

If you can follow these steps and apply them to your resolutions, I am positive that you will make significant strides in the right direction. Life is in a state of constant flux and change. This means that we are also in a constant state of flux and change. Having a system that helps guide that process can do wonders for creating the life we desire.

And, remember…

Focus on setting goals that lead to sustaining incremental changes in behavior over time.

I truly hope that something here helps you in your process of making change or reaching your goals.

Here’s to making this new year one of the best ones yet!