Having a Normal Experience to a Crazy Situation Feels Crazy
As stated in the title, having a normal experience to a crazy situation feels crazy. Given recent current events, this is a feeling that I have been coming back to over the past several days and felt it may be valuable for others for me to write about. Not only did we just come out of the holidays but then we were confronted with a significant degree of social unrest.
Maybe in the past week you have felt some degree of fatigue, restlessness, noticed an escalating degree of agitation, or maybe you even just had the feeling that you were off balance and unsettled a little bit. The fallout from these types of experiences can manifest in a variety of ways that can disrupt our well-being.
The past four years have been full of political chaos. This past year has added fuel to fire as COVID has ransacked people’s lives. Economically, medically, and politically America is suffering. On a micro level, this means that there are a lot of people that are suffering as a direct byproduct of these circumstances. Collectively, we are suffering as a nation as evidenced by the events of this past week.
When events, or circumstances, around us are ‘crazy-making’, it will inevitably lead to making us feel crazy. If you have ever been in an abusive relationship, grown up around others that neglect their mental health, or simply have been exposed to individuals that irresponsibly put their unresolved inner mess on others then you may have experienced something similar. It’s that experience of feeling unsettled while being in, or after leaving, someone’s company that leaves you feeling icky on the inside.
The reality is that it is normal to feel like a mess on the inside when things around you are a complete mess. It can be easy to blame ourselves or internalize environmental circumstances in a way that disrupts our inner well-being. That’s ok.
I mean, it’s not ok that these things are happening but, it’s ok that you may be having a challenging experience. One of the bigger difficulties comes from how we internalize such experiences and the internal dialogue that emerges from such an occurrence.
These types of experiences can lead to us experiencing stress in a variety of forms. It can pour fuel on the fire of self-deprecation and self-criticism or simply stoke the fires of frustration and anger. Either way, we are left to bear the brunt of the destructiveness from the actions of others.
While we may not be responsible for certain events and their impact on us, we certainly become responsible for taking care of the after-effects. How we navigate through our lives following our own internal responses to such events is directly in the realm of our repsonsiblity.
I have found that this can be difficult to process, or even identify, when the cause may be subtle and almost imperceptible. While the situations of last week are blatant examples of chaos and the ripening of sown seeds of discord, the impact of such events when we are so far removed, in many circumstances, can be difficult to trace. For many people, the challenge can come in the form of understanding how such events can impact us so greatly when we were not in direct proximity to the event as it unfolded.
As a mental health professional, I am very aware that vicarious, and secondary, trauma is a real thing. For many people that are not often in the direct line of transmission when dealing with trauma, this may not be a common experience. What this means is, you may be experiencing some form of it. And, really, outside of working to create social and systemic change, the most effective and leverageable thing you can do to combat the effects of such experiences is to practice self-care.
How we have learned to cope with such circumstances can further reinforce the dysfunction that is impacting us, or at the very least further enable dysfunctional coping. Or, we can work to constructively improve our well being. In therapy, we refer to this as maladaptive vs. adaptive coping. We all have some form of maladaptive coping and we should also be striving to find more adaptive ways of recovering our well-being to cope with destructive life experiences.
Though it can seem to provide some degree of relief in the moment, pushing through, dismissing, or disconnecting from such experiences is rarely an effective way of navigating through them. This type of coping doesn’t actually help provide us with any long term emotional stability as it doesn’t actually address the problem.
Emotionally disconnecting from such experiences is actually a hallmark trait of experiencing trauma referred to as dissociating. Disconnecting from our emotional response to such events further reinforces our tendency to continue dissociating from distressing circumstances in the future. Finding adaptive ways to navigate through responses to distressing situations is of primary importance to support long term well-being.
What you can do:
- Be gentle with ourself, treat yourself with kindness — If you find yourself experiencing fatigue or low energy moods, be gentle with yourself. Take it easy. Give yourself some space emotionally, physically, or both, to process your feelings and be accepting of where you’re at and how you’re feeling.
- Practice mindfulness — Observe your thoughts and feelings non-judgmentally. Accept and let go of whatever may be coming up. Allow yourself to be present. Don’t resist what’s coming up or how you’re feeling. Sit peacefully with yourself and be present with your needs.
- Exercise or stretch — Work some of the tension out of your body that is a byproduct of your stress response. The stress response tenses the muscles in preparation for action. A residual impact of this is that we can experience aches and pains in our body. Take some time to get your body moving and release some of the built-up tension.
- Deep breathing — Practice deep belly breathing to get your parasympathetic nervous system turned on to activate your relaxation response. Our sympathetic nervous system activates the stress response and needs to be deactivated during times of distress. If you want to know more about this process, you can read about it in another of my posts here.
- Set boundaries — Remove yourself from the situation to remove the source of distress until you can approach it more constructively. If your ability to be present is being interrupted it may be a sign that you are feeling flooded or beyond your tolerance threshold. Set healthy boundaries and reapproach the situation when you are in a better state of body and mind.
- Find social support — Find connection through a support group, therapy, or some close friends in which you can confide. Connection to others is powerful and healing. Surrounding yourself with others that may be having similar experiences will validate what you are experiencing, get your mind off the distress, and help you not feel alone in your process.
Whatever you may be experiencing, remember to be accepting and approach yourself holistically. How you are feeling is ok and perfectly normal. Learning to respond appropriately is where it can be challenging for us and often where we need to make adjustments in our process.
Commit to participating in the process in a manner that facilitates an improvement in your well-being and those around you. Do this and you will be able to find some degree of relief from the craziness of this crazy-making world that all too often can feel consuming and draining.
